A Surprising Solution To Your Marital Problems
Mort Fertel, Author of Marriage
Fitness
Marriage Coach
If you're reading an article about how to improve your marriage, you're
probably expecting to learn problem-solving strategies, communication
techniques, and insights about gender differences. Do I have a SURPRISE
for you!
The key to renewing your marriage is none of those things.
How do I know this? Because I experienced it!
Hi, my name is Mort Fertel, author of Marriage
Fitness, and unlike other relationship experts who approach the
topic from a clinical perspective, for me marriage renewal is very personal.
I'd like to share with you my story.
My wife and I started out deeply in love. I remember staying up all
night talking, surprising each other with thoughtful gifts, and speaking
to each other in code words. You know the feeling of really being connected?
That was us.
But then something happened that destroys most marriages. We had a
son who died when he was just one week old. And then we had twin daughters,
who also died as newborns.
Understandably, my wife became depressed. I coped by immersing myself
in work. We ran from each other emotionally.
Your situation probably was not so tragic, but something happened.
What was it? How did you lose each other? Maybe you can't put your finger
on it, but things just aren’t the same, right?
For us, after losing 3 children, everything felt different. Instead
of talking all night, it was a chore to talk for a few minutes. Instead
of using our code words, we used curse words. Our relationship consisted
of screaming matches and silent treatments.
Somewhere deep in our heart though, like you, we knew we didn't want
to lose each other. So we made a commitment to work on our marriage.
Sometimes I tried and my wife didn’t. Sometimes my wife tried
and I didn’t. We went through different stages of "trying.”
What did we try?
We tried the obligatory, "Honey, let me repeat what you said to
make sure I understood you correctly." We applied conflict resolution
strategies. My wife learned about Mars and I learned about Venus. We
even went to therapy to wrestle with our problems. But guess what. Nothing
changed. Nothing worked.
All the advice we got (books, counselors, CD's, whatever) asked us
to face our problems. But that just made us feel worse. And fight more.
Then we had a breakthrough.
We decided to SET ASIDE OUR PROBLEMS and try to CONNECT with each other.
We used "POSITIVE relationship exercises" that transformed
our marriage. Not only did we resolve our differences, we fell in love
again! And we did it — not by dealing with our problems (as serious
as they were) — but by establishing HEALTHY HABITS that brought
positive energy to our relationship.
This is the solution to most marital situations! Believe it or not,
the secret is to STEP AWAY FROM YOUR PROBLEMS and SPEND YOUR TIME AND
ENERGY building your relationship through POSITIVE ACTIONS.
It's counter intuitive, but if you strengthen your relationship, most
of your problems will dissipate and what remains of them can be more
easily resolved in a safer, softer, and more forgiving marital environment.
Before you deal with your problems, you first have to build good will
with each other.
If your marriage is stressed, do NOT tackle your problems. If your
timing is off, trying to solve problems with your spouse will damage
your marriage and make it LESS LIKELY that you'll ever find resolution.
If you have lower-back problems, sometimes the solution is to do sit-ups.
Strengthening one part of your body can heal another. Your marriage
works in a similar way.
Now you can see why my system for relationship renewal, Marriage
Fitness, is fundamentally different from any other approach to relationship
success. It’s not about conflict-resolution or communication skills
because these are NOT the key to renewing a marriage. The key is NOT
to fix what’s wrong. The key is to make new things right.
And there are, in fact, specific things you can do (with or without
your spouse) to make things right in your marriage.
Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity),
there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise
program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship
WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If
you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable—you can
“make” love.
Marriage
Fitness offers you a step-by-step system to make and maintain love
in your marriage. The program works for any marriage even if only one
spouse does it. And the best news is that you don't have to dig into
your past, dredge up your problems, or practice communication techniques.
This is not marriage counseling; it's Marriage Fitness.
Get the FREE
breakthrough report "7 Secrets for a Stronger Marriage," a
FREE confidential marriage assessment, and FREE information
about the Marriage Fitness system of relationship renewal.
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Mort Fertel's Marriage Fitness
is an innovative step-by-step relationship-changing system that
will save and restore your marriage. And the best news is —
you don't have to dig into your past, dredge up your problems,
or practice communication techniques. This is not marriage counseling;
it's Marriage Fitness! Subscribe to the FREE report "7
Secrets for Fixing Your Marriage."
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