How Could Everything Change So Dramatically
Mort Fertel, Author of Marriage
Fitness
Marriage Coach
I came across this quote today and wanted to share it with you. You
may find that it relates to your marital situation.
“The difficultly with marriage is that we fall in love with
a personality, but we must live with a character.” - Peter
Devries
Hi. My name is Mort Fertel, author of Marriage
Fitness.
We can only appreciate the profundity of this statement if we understand
what is meant by CHARACTER.
“Personality” is easy to understand. Your “personality”
is how people experience you. It’s your public persona.
But what is “character?” And why is “character”
so crucial in your marriage?
Character is who you are when no one is watching.
Let me say that again so you can read it slowly and really digest it
this time.
Character is who you are when no one is watching.
You see, when you and your spouse met, you met each other’s PERSONALITIES.
You showed your spouse and you were shown by your spouse your public
personas. I’m not saying you tricked each other. It’s just
your personality…how you display yourself to others.
But marriage lasts too long in too close quarters for anyone to sustain
a public persona. Personalities eventually give way to an INNER SELF
that gets revealed for the first time. And there you each stand, naked
as if no one is watching. But someone is watching. And that’s
when you meet for the first time…again!
You and your spouse don’t meet the person who charmed each other’s
friends, bought gifts for each other’s parents, and always smiled
from ear to ear. No, this time it’s a meeting of your CHARACTERS.
In many cases, it’s not only that you’re meeting each other
for the first time, but it’s that you’re meeting YOURSELVES
for the first time.
Most people wouldn’t be caught dead treating anyone the way they
treat their spouse. Most people don’t recognize their own behavior.
“I’m just not myself with him/her.” Well then who
is that person? That’s YOU…it’s your character. (And
your spouse meets their character.)
The reason so many people fail at marriage and an attempt at marriage
renewal is NOT that they don’t like their spouse. It’s that
they don’t like THEMSELVES. And while everyone else in their life
is like a mirror reflecting their personality; their spouse is a mirror
reflecting their character. And most people don’t like what they
see.
Many people would rather choose to be with someone else than remain
with their spouse and have to continue to be with themselves. (Did you
get that?)
Balthasar Gracian wrote in his 17th century manual on success, The
Art of Worldly Wisdom, as follows: “You are as much a real person
as you are deep. As with the depths of a diamond, the interior is twice
as important as the surface. There are people who are all facade, like
a house left unfinished when the funds run out. They have the entrance
of a palace but the inner rooms of a cottage.”
Marriage
renewal and individual character development go hand-in-hand.
Many people who apply the Marriage
Fitness system of relationship renewal tell me that it not only
restored their marriage, but it was a personal fixing for them too.
If you’d like to explore that risk-free, then subscribe to my
FREE
breakthrough report "7 Secrets for a Stronger Marriage," a
FREE confidential marriage assessment, and FREE information
about the Marriage Fitness system of relationship renewal.
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Mort Fertel's Marriage Fitness
is an innovative step-by-step relationship-changing system that
will save and restore your marriage. And the best news is —
you don't have to dig into your past, dredge up your problems,
or practice communication techniques. This is not marriage counseling;
it's Marriage Fitness! Subscribe to the FREE report "7
Secrets for Fixing Your Marriage."
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