Soulmate
Are you searching for your Soulmate? Do you ever say to yourself or
have you heard others say, “I would be happy only if I could find
my Soulmate?” What exactly is a soulmate and why are we searching
for one?
Wikipedia Online Encyclopedia defines Soulmate as “someone with
whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity.” Is this
your definition of soulmate? If not what is your definition of soulmate?
When I found myself single again after my divorce, soulmate was a word
I used often. After a failed relationship you really begin to evaluate
what you want in a future partner and believe that you should settle
for no less than your true “soulmate”. Because after all,
if you find your “soulmate” your relationship is guaranteed
to last, right?
All this talk of soulmates reminds me of an episode of Sex in the City.
Carrie was once again struggling in her relationships and found herself
reeling from another break up. The ultimate question “why are
we always searching for our soulmate” came up. Well the ladies
decided that they would be each other’s soulmates and the men
in their life would just be the men in their life. This would protect
them from the pain of another break. Or so they thought.
This got me thinking. Is a soulmate really your other half? If that
is the case, we are then searching our whole life for someone to come
along and fill that void in our life, right? Seems to me that we are
giving someone else a great deal of power over whether we are complete
and happy in life. I don’t know about you but I am not too comfortable
with giving away my power. What about you?
Thinking of soulmate in that context forced me to re-evaluate my definition
of soulmate and my search for one. What I found is that I needed to
be my own soulmate before I would be able to attract one. So I set out
to be the person “… with whom I had a feeling of deep and
natural affinity” toward. I figured out that if I could love myself
unconditionally, then I did not “need” a soulmate to fulfill
me I had one, me. Wow! Talk about empowering.
Well that revelation was only half the battle. The real challenge was
learning to love myself unconditionally. After all aren’t we all
our own biggest critics? How does one learn to love oneself unconditionally?
Great question!
Some of the steps that I took toward loving myself unconditionally
were through
1) forgiveness,
2) gratitude and
3) acknowledgment.
Personally, I think forgiveness is the most important element. If you
are not willing to forgive yourself and others for past mistakes you
will never be able to love yourself unconditionally.
A great definition of forgiveness is “letting go of the belief
that you can change the past”. Isn’t that so true? Isn’t
forgiveness really about accepting what happened and moving forward?
The inability to forgive keeps us stuck in the past reliving the mistakes
or injustices over and over again.
Recently, I heard on the OPRAH show another way of looking at forgiveness.
It was stated that when one is unwilling to forgive it is like taking
a daily poison and hoping the other person will die. In reality it is
you who is slowly dying day by day. So I say take back your power and
begin to forgive yourself and others today!
Gratitude is another import concept. Living in gratitude allows us
to appreciate ourselves and the world around us. As I have written many
times, keeping a gratitude journal is a great way to turn your focus
from all the perceived negativity in your life to the positive. Try
it, complete this sentence; “I am grateful for …….”
Finally, acknowledgments are just as important. Can you finish this
sentence, “I acknowledge myself for ………….”?
For many this is tough. Acknowledgments force you to look at all that
you can and have accomplished in your life on a daily basis. Again,
an acknowledgment journal is great for this. Take the time daily to
acknowledge yourself. You will finally find out how wonderful you really
are.
If you incorporate these small steps into your life everyday you will
start to love and appreciate yourself and before you know it you will
have unconditional love and will have found your Soulmate!
Do you want to find your Soulmate? Are you struggling with letting
go of past mistakes? Do you have a hard time finding the positive things
in your life or in you? Then I encourage you to hire a coach to support
you in these areas. I welcome you to try a sample coaching session.
You can schedule one by contacting me at coach@lisafredette.com.
Do you have an issue or topic that you want the coach to address? Send
them to Lisa at coach@lisafredette.com.
Lisa A. Fredette is a CTA Certified Life Coach and
a member of the Relationship Coaching Institute as well as a graduate
of the Fearless Living Workshop. She is the owner of Passionate About
Life Coaching. Lisa provides one on one and group coaching, workshops,
and seminars. Her main focus is on supporting women who want to be successful
singles after divorce and singles who wish to attract the right partner.
In addition Lisa offers coaching services around the Fearless Living
model. Sign up for Lisa's free report "Be
the Navigator: Six Easy Steps to Getting Back into the Driver's Seat
of Life" or sign up for a free
sample coaching session
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