Relationship Tips

Why do we feel unhappy or unfulfilled in our relationships? Why do we complain, judge others or blame them for our problems? Usually, its because we feel that way about our self.

Our relationships and life experiences are a reflection of our inner world. How we see the world and interpret the actions of others depends on our relationship with our self.

To change your relationships with others, youve got to change your relationship with yourself.

Own your feelings

Accept that you alone are responsible for the way you think and feel. No one can make you feel that way. Own responsibility for allowing yourself to feel the way you do.

Be self-aware

Step back and observe yourself from a distance. How do you react to people and situations? Are you reacting unconsciously from the ‘wounded child’ or responding in a calm, compassionate manner? When youre conscious and aware of your feelings in a situation, you have the power to respond, rather than react.

Be authentic

Be true to yourself. Theres no need to put on a mask or a persona for someone else. You are perfect, whole and complete the way you are.

Love yourself unconditionally

Accept yourself for who you are, the parts you like, the parts you dont. Youre part of divine creation. When you know and believe that, you will love and accept yourself the way you are.

Never belittle yourself

Never put yourself down or disrespect yourself. Dont allow anyone else to treat you in a way that you dont approve of. Never accept less than what you deserve - from yourself or anyone else.

Take care of yourself first

Remember the airline stewardess telling you to put on your own oxygen mask before helping the person next to you? You cant take care of someone else, your family, or your kids, if you dont take care of yourself first. Make yourself and your health a priority and do what it takes to get well, in every way.

Get in touch with your Higher Self

Your intuition is your Higher Self, the self that knows without knowing, sees without seeing. It is this self that will guide you towards your higher purpose. Any time you spend in meditation, prayer or solitude, cultivating your relationship with your higher self, will be time well spent.

Learn to connect with yourself at a deeper level, find your purpose, and understand your role in the universe. It will transform your relationship with yourself, and with everyone in your life.

Copyright © Priya Shah

Priya Shah writes about self-improvement and women’s empowerment. Click here for relationship tips and advice.

This article may be reprinted as long as the resource box is left intact and all links are hyperlinked.

One of the hardest things for any person, man or woman, is letting go of a relationship thats not meant to be. We are often attached to the illusion that this person is ‘the One’ for us, and that if we dont have him or her, well never find somebody new.

Holding on to disappointment, hurt, blame, anger, resentment, and bitterness, we convince ourselves that ‘all men are jerks’ or ‘all women are bitches.’

If youve just got out of a relationship and are harbouring a lot of resentment against your partner or against the opposite sex, now is NOT the time to start dating again. Your anger and bitterness will poison even the most loving relationship.

When we hang on to baggage from past relationships, we end up projecting our pain on to others in our lives - our families, children and, eventually, our new partners.

Our emotional baggage is usually rooted in our relationships with our own parents, or in bad relationships weve had in the past. We have to lighten our load and heal our pain before we can love again.

Some of the practices you need to cultivate in order to heal yourself are:

· Radical Personal Responsibility: Take responsibility for the role you played in your relationship, either by taking inappropriate action, not acting altogether or expecting too much. Stop blaming your partner. Own your feelings, so you can change them.

· Self-Awareness: Are there patterns that keep repeating in your relationships? Do you have a tendency to get into relationships with abusive people, or become abusive yourself? Become mindful of your reactions to people and situations. Learn to identify your patterns, and the unhealthy beliefs that are causing them.

· Acceptance: Accept yourself and your partner the way you are. Accept the fact that the relationship was not meant to be, that it didnt work because it was not your highest and best.

· Forgiveness: Learn to forgive yourself for all the damage that your anger and pain may have caused, and forgive others for being human and acting out their own anger and pain.

· Gratitude: Be grateful that youre out of a bad relationship, so you can be with someone better suited to your needs. Be grateful for all the lessons youve learned from your partner.

· Compassion: Learn to look at all people as human beings dealing with their own pain. Spend some time seeing the world through their eyes and youll become less judgmental.

· Detachment: Learn to let go of unhealthy attachments to people, things and situations.

· Independence: Stop expecting other people to give you the love and acceptance you should be giving yourself. Learn to meet your own needs, let go of expectations, and enter a healthy, inter-dependent relationship.

· Optimism: Optimism is not essential, but it makes life so much easier. An optimistic outlook, positive attitude and belief that everything happens for the best, can help you bounce back from your loss. Have faith that the best is yet to come.

It takes a lot of tears, hard work, and introspection to break the chains of the past. But it’s worth every moment! The feeling of freedom and contentment that you experience is just awesome.

Getting rid of your anger and hurt will help you stop blaming others for your pain, and allowed you to see your former partner as they really are - a wonderful, sensitive human being with the capacity to love, to care, and to hurt just as deeply as you.

It will allow you to love life again, to see the beauty in every experience, to be non-judgmental and open to new relationships.

No time spent in a relationship is ever wasted. Ever experience is a lesson and only when you learn the lesson will you progress to the next level. So stop beating yourself up over all the years you ‘wasted’ with that ‘loser.’

If it didn’t work, it was probably not meant to be. You cant force someone to love you, just as you cant force commitment or marriage. These are stages that should happen naturally, when it feels right for both people.

Contrary to popular opinion (and sad love songs) love is not meant to hurt. If youre in pain, what youre experiencing is not love, but attachment or codependence. Too often we fall in love, not with our partner, but with the IDEA of being in love.

Its best to let go of a relationship thats causing too much pain. Instead of wallowing in the past and writing your own sad love song, do your inner work, get rid of the anger and disappointment and get on with your life.

Let go of your partner with love, so you can move past your hurt and learn to love again.

_______________________________________________

Copyright © Priya Shah

Priya Shah blogs about self-improvement and women’s empowerment. Click here for relationship tips and advice.

This article may be reprinted as long as the resource box is left intact and all links are hyperlinked.

_______________________________________________

Most of us have many dreams about what relationships will be like or should be like. Weve lived with these dreams forever, so when the real thing happens, and we find ourselves in a relationship reality can be quite a shock.

Some people feel tricked, trapped or like failures. Others do everything under the sun to change their partner, change themselves, or figure out why their marriage is different from the way they thought it would be.

The first step in truly understanding relationships, however, is to realize that what we dream about or imagine, is not necessarily what is going to happen to us. And that doesnt mean there is something wrong with ourselves or our relationship. It just means that we didnt know what to truly expect.

Here are six facts that no one ever told you about relationships that is important for you to understand. When you do, youll find that many of the tangles loosen and as you relax your relationship can grow naturally.

Number 1) Relationships are not static.

They can, will and must change. No two people stay the same during the course of a life time. Their needs, wishes, and interests vary. It is unreasonable to expect that relationship partners will always grow and change in the same ways, at the same time. This has to be accepted and included in the relationship.

It is not necessary for the two of you to always think the same way, like the same things, or be in the same place at the same time. Just because you may have different tastes or interests doesnt mean that the two of you arent in love.

For relationships to remain vital and healthy it is necessary to have a core of mutual interests, activities and desires, but, it is also crucial to make room for differences between you. This doesnt necessarily mean you are growing apart. It may just mean that you are growing, and will have even more love and understanding to bring to your partner in the long run.

Number 2) Romantic feelings of excitement, intoxication and infatuation necessarily wax and wane.

Many people expect to feel ‘in love’ with their partner on a daily basis. By this they mean having romantic feelings of excitement and infatuation, feeling as though they cant wait to see the person, and miss them if theyre gone. These individuals must learn the crucial difference between loving a partner and being ‘in love’.

Romantic feelings of excitement, intoxication and infatuation necessarily wax and wane. There are times they appear and are very enjoyable -other times they fade into the background. This does not mean something is wrong or that you do not love each other.

Love is not based upon fluctuating feelings, but upon a solid foundation of mutual respect, consideration and communication. Although it is wonderful and important to set aside time for romantic time together, the daily on-goingness of life requires a much deeper understanding of what it means to truly love.

Love is often tested in the fire, and frequently sacrifice is needed. In order to truly love, one must grow as a person, and that is what relationships are for - to help us grow in our ability to discover what love really is..

Number 3) Love is not dependency.

Its all right to be who you are, be different from him, have friends and activities of your own. Its also all right, to give him time with his friends and private space. Love always includes trust of the other, and the knowledge that the more your partner is able to enjoy others, the more he will be able to enjoy being with you.

The less you suffocate and possess him, the more he will want to be with you. The less you let him suffocate you, the more you will love him and the more he will respect you. Its fine to be two, separate, whole people. From that basis, a lot of love can grow.

Number 4) Being angry doesnt mean you do not love each other.

Some feel that as soon as they are angry with their partner or their partner is angry with them the love has gone out the window. Of course, if anger goes on for too long, or is not dealt with properly, it certainly can erode the quality of a relationship.

But being angry is not a sign that he doesnt love you, or you him. It is simply a sign that it is time for good, open, honest, careful communication to take place. On-going communication is the heart and soul of every good relationship.

When we bottle up our needs and feelings and pretend to be who we are not, then all that has been hidden will explode through anger. But, when we recognize anger, irritation or resentment as it arises, and freely discuss our needs or responses with our partner, not only does the anger diminish, but our relationship grows closer.

Take anger as a sign that you are being an opportunity to communicate more and know each other better. Let it make you closer, not further apart.

Number 5) Even though youre together all the time, you still must make time for one another.

Actually, you must actually carve out more time for each other when you live together. Living together its easy to take one anothers presence for granted. But just because the person is there physically, does not necessarily mean youre sharing quality time. Children, errands, pressures at work and social obligations can create a whir of activity, but not intimate time between the two of you.

Carve out intimate time when the two of you are alone. Go some place special. Make time to talk and hug. Make time to have fun alone. This is a wonderful refresher to every marriage and should be done at least weekly.

Number 6) Being together for a long time doesnt have to take the magic away.

Its wonderful to have someone at your side, who you share experiences with year after year. There is no way to replace a person who youve gone through many years with, sharing common experiences and memories. The sense of continuity and trust that can develop between you is a jewel. It is wonderful to wake up each morning, knowing this person is at your side.

As the years pass you know each other better and better, whatever happens you both know there is someone there for you, who understands what you are going through. As our ability to share grows, the burdens of life diminish greatly, and the joys intensify as well.

Discover the surprising truths about love that will save your relationship, in Dr. Shoshannas new e-book Save Your Relationship (21 Basic Laws of Successful Relationships). Dr. Shoshanna is a psychologist, relationship expert on i.village.com, speaker, and author of many books, including The Anger Diet (30 Days To Stress Free Living), Zen And The Art of Falling In Love, (Simon and Schuster), Why Men Leave (Putnam), and many others. You can contact her at mailto: mailto:topspeaker@yahoo.com . Her personal website is: www.brendashoshanna.com

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**** AND IDENTIFYING GOOD MEN FROM “UNAVAILABLE TOADS”…. ****

You’ve got to learn to understand and identify “EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE” men.

If a man doesn’t know what he wants, he generally doesn’t want what he’s got.

This may sound harsh, but it’s the truth of the situation. And even when it isn’t completely true, it’s a good rule to go by.

A good man who is the right person and wants to be with you will find his own way to his “Emotional Truth”.

If his truth is that he wants to be with you, or not be with you, you have to respect that.

But I see women do it all the time.

The guy will be sending all kinds of subtle (or even direct) signs that he’s not “available” or interested in something “serious”, but the woman ignores them and just pays attention to the fact that he likes being with her when they’re together.

In other words, she substitutes the physical connection, or even the occasional emotional connection, for the real relationship she wants to be in.

WRONG!

Men have a different “love equation” from women:

A strong connection does NOT necessarily equal any interest in a relationship.

That’s why it’s CRITICAL that women learn to read the signals that a man sends about where he’s at.

Because he’s surely not going to just lay it all out there for you.

I promise.

If he does, write me an email, tell me all about it, and give me his mailing address so I can send him his prize.

When a guy isn’t interested in a relationship, and he’s hdoing something like seeing other women, here’s what most women start doing that makes things go from bad to worse…

They start trying to “fix” things, and “fix” the guy.

And then comes the “convincing” behavior, trying to convince the man that they are the right one for him, and that because they have such a great connection, a loving “relationship” is the only right way to go.

I know, it sounds bizarre.

Why would a man have a great woman and a great connection with her that felt amazing when they were together, and not want a relationship?

I’ll get to that later…

The thing I’m worried about here for you is that in trying to get your guy back, you’re making these mistakes that are like “man-repellent”.

So I’ll say it again.

You can’t convince a man to want to be with you.

I don’t know the specifics surrounding your off-and-on with the ex, but it speaks volumes.

Especially when it’s combined with him not “knowing what he wants”.

This is CLASSIC man-speak for “I’m not emotionally available and I’m not ready for a real relationship”.

When he can’t get in touch with his feelings and isn’t open to exploring them, it’s a text-book case of unavailability.

I don’t mean that he can’t share feelings or some level of intimacy with you….

In fact, I’m sure he still likes to connect with you when things are easy-going and he’s not feeling “pressure” around you.

But your ex sharing his feelings with you can easily confuse you into thinking that he is potentially the right guy and ready for a long term relationship.

I’m sure you’ve seen this since you’ve been back and forth with him. But when a guy is unavailable, he has a fear of getting deeper into a relationship that he knows he’s not ready for.

In his own way he’s tried to tell you this several times.

Here’s what he’s saying:

Yes, I have “feelings” for you.

And no… that doesn’t mean I want to be in a relationship with you and be faithful.

Take some time to think about the past with your ex, and then compare that to what will honestly make YOU happy, and what kind of relationship you want in your future.

If you’re honest about it with yourself, I don’t think he’ll fit well into that based on his actions and behavior.

Put more value on his actions, not his words.

Get back to the things that you enjoy, the places you like to go and avoid places or things you used to do or see with your ex.

Spend some time with your friends and give yourself the space you deserve.

The less you talk about your ex and this situation for now, the better off you’ll be.

And I think you’ll be amazed at the results.

First, I think you’ll just plain old feel better.

But even better than that, you’ll be breaking the old connection that you had with your “x”.

And as counterintuitive as it sounds, breaking out of your old connection is actually the thing that’s going to change the situation for you the most and help get you the results you want.

Right now, your convincing him and your wanting him back, even when he’s with another woman, is making you come off in all kinds of ways that men just don’t respond well to.

I know it seems like the best idea to keep trying to stay in touch with him and keep the connection alive.

But the truth is that you’re just keeping this same old situation alive by pumping your time and attention into it.

If instead, you step back and stop chasing him or trying to convince him you’re the right woman, you’ll have an opportunity to do something that can honestly be ATTRACTIVE to him-

You first leave a space that he’ll not recognize and not understand, which will first get him thinking about you and then wondering why you aren’t acting the way you used to.

Men love “new” things and curiousities.

Plus, you’ll also be able to give him the space he’s tried asking you for in his retarded emotioanally unavailable “man-speak”.

Something funny happens when a man gets the space he asked for-

If you do it in the right way, he’s forced to deal with himself and his own feelings to figure out that all the things he is worried about, afraid of, fearful of “committing to”, etc.

And being by himself, he’ll see that these things are really just in his own mind - and not bad things about YOU.

In other words - he won’t keep taking all the old “stuff” from the past that wasn’t working and keep identifying it with YOU.

But you’ve to go know the way to “re-wire” the connection once you’ve broken the old one.

And if you can do this, I guarantee he’ll come calling wondering about you.

In my ebook, “Catch Him And Keep Him”, I detail specific ways to communicate with men that will help you build that new connection.

There are several psychological and behavioral “keys” that will help to open a man up, and just as importantly, make him feel that electric kind of ATTRACTION for you.

I’m talking about the kind of attraction that gets a guy feeling, at a deep level, that he wants to be with you right now AND far into the future.

This goes for the “unavailable” guys too that seem to keep withdrawing and don’t communicate much about their feelings or what they want.

These guys are the toughest ones.

If there’s just ONE PIECE OF ADVICE that holds more power for women than any other when it comes to men, it’s this concept of only dating emotionally available men.

In my ebook, I also talk about how to identify good men from the “unavailable” ones.

If you’re dating, wouldn’t it be great to know what kind of guy you’re dealing with FROM THE START?

And if think you’re already got an unavailable guy on your hands, and you’re wondering what you can do after all the frustrating disappointments that have gone on…

There’s AN ENTIRE SECTION of the book dedicated to helping you both understand the emotional world of a man (yikes, right!) and how to lead him to a better way of being with and understanding you.

So make the choice to do something about your love- life and create the situation you want in your life.

Go check out my ebook now.

You can download it and be reading it in just a couple of minutes.

Check it out here:

10 Secrets About Men

And best of luck in life and love!

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

Men are dense… in relationships. Men, I know this isn’t going to be a popular statement, but you know that it is true in many ways. We may state that women are not understandable, that they don’t make sense, they are not logical, or that the particular one we’re with is worse than all the others.

But, the truth is, we’re dullards when it comes to the deeper realities of relationships. There are exceptions, but not very many. For instance, my expertise as a marriage and family therapist is relationships. But I can tell you that any woman coming into my office knows more in her little finger innately about relationships than I do.

Women have been raised on them. When they come out of the womb they know that physiologically they are just like momma. So, they try to be even more like her. That’s a relational way to grow up.

Little boys come out of the womb and right away know there is a really big difference between them and momma. And then culture says, “Go out and find yourself. Find out who you really are like.” This sends us toward a non-relational way of growing up.

So, men, let’s face it, we’re playing catch-up with women all the way when it comes to the subtleties of making a good marriage, partnership, or dating relationship. We just don’t “get it” where and when we should.

And here is the rubber meets the road point of this article: We don’t get it about “fixing” women. We have grown up fixing things. And we also want to fix our mate’s problems because that’s what we think we’re good at.

Unfortunately, women don’t need to be fixed, they need to be listened to, and then they can go fix things just fine themselves. (Men, read that line again!)

The way I get around this with men is that I teach them that “listening is fixing.” It’s simply a matter of redefining what we think fixing is in this context. Remember, “Listening is fixing.”

OK, easy to say, not so easy to do. Here’s how my wife taught me NOT to fix her. One day she started saying to me, “This is not helpful to me.” Note, that this is a very functional “I” statement. No blaming, no finger pointing, and not inflammatory. Just a simple statement about her reality and she left it at that.

What did I do? I immediately started arguing with her, saying that, indeed, this WAS helpful to her. At this point she merely said, “And THIS is not helpful to me,” and turned and walked away. She was very self-composed and non-reactive.

This pattern continued a while (I don’t want to confess how long) until it started to dawn on me that I really did want to be helpful to her, and since I apparently wasn’t being helpful, maybe I ought to ask her what would be. This is where I learned about listening to women!

She taught me that “Listening is fixing!” That’s all she needed, just to be heard, and then she could go on and do whatever she needed herself. She just needed the embrace of the relationship.

I’ve just given you the condensed version. It actually took quite a long time for me to really “get it,” and I still fall into the old pattern, lo, these many years later. Pam merely says, “This is not helpful to me,” and I now catch on fairly quickly. Instead of arguing, I have learned to ask, “What would be more helpful right now?” Then she gets to tell me what she wants or needs from me.

Men, we’re dense, and we’ve got alot to learn.

Women, you already know it, but men are dense and have alot to learn. You can help the process or hinder it, by how you educate the men in your lives. We need to know what you want and need at any given time. My wife’s self-possession, self-restraint and willingness to educate me is an example of how to do so effectively. Just don’t think it works the very first time!

Steve Roberts is an experienced Marriage and Family Therapist who shares tips and real life relationship secrets from over 20 years of practice. Married 27 years to Pam, his partner in Life and profession, he has personally known the peaks and valleys of the couple experience. Get insight and wisdom for your relationships at www.whatworksforcouples.com

1. He always make plans at the last minute.

He may have several rods on the fire. You might not be his favorite rod. If nothing else comes along then you pop into his head. Some men just like to keep their options open. They have several choices available and don’t want to make the wrong decision or commit to a date too soon in the event that something better might come along.

You have to decide if this is something you can tolerate. If you are not that into him either, it may work out perfectly for you (a girls gotta eat), but if you are waiting by the phone this may be sign to move on. I personally would not feel I was being treated respectfully in this situation. I would feel I deserved to be treated better.

2. He’s not taking an active role in becoming part of your world.

If a man is serious about you, he will usually make the effort to get to know the people who are important to you. Whether it’s your friends or family, he will want it to be known that he is your man and he will usually try hard to make a good impression. This is how some men mark their territory.

Hey, it doesn’t hurt if everyone loves him and sings his praises to you. If he doesn’t care about that, he simply might not care about you. If he does care about you, but doesn’t want to be involved in your world. well, that’s a whole other story. You come to your own conclusion, but if it were me. I’d rethink the relationship.

3. He doesn’t go to events that are important to you.

Once in awhile if he has a good excuse or is ill or something.that’s ok. If you see a pattern, it may be time to trade up. Something that is important to you should be equally important to him.

If it is not, then it might be a sign that either he is not that into you, he prefers his friends to you, or he is simply too self-centered to stop for a minute and please someone other then himself.

If you’ve really hit the jackpot, he may be a combination of all three. Either way, pay attention to the signs and decide if you feel you are worthy of more.

4. He stays in close contact with his single friends.

If a guy does not part with his single friends, you can be fairly certain he is not going to give up the single life either. Some guys are just players: they have to keep their options open and have a certain amount of emotional distance. Having single friends when you are dating is the best of both worlds.

He may continue to get close to you, but his friends are never far behind. They attend events with you and have permission to just drop by at their whim. You don’t want your guy to give up his friends, but it may be a sign of trouble if he insists that you spend most of your time together hanging out with his buddies.

If he is not a player, but just very social, make sure your needs are met as well. Hanging out with the buds can be fun, but sometimes alone time is also needed in a relationship. If the situation meets your needs, then great. If not, then decide if this is something you can get used to.

5. Night time is the right time. all the time.

If he loves the nightlife and the nightlife loves him even after you have been dating for a while, this might just be his way of life. If this is your way of life, then you have just met your soulmate. I wish you well.

However, historically when couples first start dating they tend to go out a lot, stay out late, and dance the night away. Once you settle in, though, and get closer in the relationship, the pendulum swings to quite nights at home and romantic dinners.

If this is where you are hoping the pendulum would swing, then it may be a good time to express your needs and see if he can meet them. Don’t ask or expect him to change if that is who he is and what makes him happy. Accept the fact that you want different things. It may be time to send this one back and explore the other “fishies in the sea”.

6. You never see him more then once a week (ok. sometimes twice), even after you have been dating several months

Is he super busy or are you play toy number 7? He might have one for every day of the week, and you only can see him twice if numbers 1 through 6 are busy. Hey, it happens . mostly because he has been allowed to get away with it. Just don’t be naive and think he is sitting home 6 nights alone.

If this is acceptable to you, then by all means enjoy your time together when it happens. I guess you will certainly never get sick of each other. If you need more see if he can (or more importantly will) meet your needs. If not.get those shoes on and start walking.

7. You only have his cell number after you have been dating each other for a more then a month.

If it’s been months and you haven’t asked him about that, allow me, he’s either living with someone else or he doesn’t want you calling his house in case he has another woman over. The cell phone he can turn off or set to vibrate… How perfect is that?

When you are into someone (and not dating other women too) you want her to feel free totally comfortable calling you anytime. It shows commitment and openness. If he is not showing these signs outwardly, it might be an indication that you are dating a very busy man.

If it feels like a duck and quacks like a duck, yup, it’s a duck. This little trick was used on me, and I must say I didn’t catch on for quite a while. I was too naive. I’m all grown up now.

Copyright © 2005 Cathi Adams

Cathi Adams is the author of “Divorce Secrets: What Every Women Should Know.” This invaluable resource provides steps to ensure financial security to woman faced with the possibility of divorce. Visit her web site for a FREE report -What You Absolutely Must Know Before You Even THINK About Getting A Divorce.

© Steve Roberts - All Rights reserved www.WhatWorksForCouples.com

The question is a common one: How do I know if this is the right person. Am I doing the right thing?

The truth is we’re never quite sure. We gather the data of experience. Then we take a shot at life one way of the other. Right or Wrong? Only experience tells us.

So, how do we make a good assessment before the decision? Here are some questions to ask yourself.

1. How well have I observed this person’s past behavior? Behind the “look good” behavior of the infatuation period lies the everyday behavior with friends, family, work colleagues, and with you. What you see in the every day behavior is likely to persist.

Do you like what you are seeing?

Can you live with it if it doesn’t change?

Would you stay with this person if you knew for certain that it would never change?

2. Assuming you have a really good sense of the person’s behavior, then do you love him/her? Before answering, consider what I’m actually asking with this question.

Do you love the person just as is, not as could be? Do you love for who this person is now, rather than the possibilities you see? Those possibilities may never come to pass. How would you live with that?

Is there passion inside you to see, be with, to spend time (a lot of time) with this person? I’ve seen alot of people in “luke warm” relationships that were never hotter than that even to begin with. That’s OK if it is your choice, but is this what you really want?

Does this person feel like the real thing, the real deal, the really true love to you, or is there still something nagging at you?

3. Assuming we have the behavior, and the love, is there a final something that will kill the relationship over time?

An addiction? Parents, children or other family that hates you? A commitment to something that will not leave enough time for you? A difference in religion that can not be resolved? Does he or she feel the same passion for you that you are feeling?

Let’s be realistic: Love does NOT conquer all. I wish it did. If it did the divorce rate where I live wouldn’t be near 70%. There’s nothing wrong with making the choice for a committed relationship. But use your head and not just your heart!

– Steve Roberts is an experienced Marriage and Family Therapist who shares tips and real life relationship secrets from over 20 years of practice. Married 27 years to Pam, his partner in Life and profession, he has personally known the peaks and valleys of the couple experience.

Christian Carter has by far the best advice on understanding men I’ve ever read. Coming as it does from a man, it makes complete sense. His free dating tips will help you find Mr. Right and keep him hooked for good.

10 Secrets About Men

Creating “Intense Attraction” With A Man

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Nice Guys Vs. Bad Guys: Who Do You Love?

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In The Celestine Prophecy, James Redfield writes about the ‘control dramas’ that people use to draw energy from one another.

Think about it. Every time you interact with another person, there is a transaction of energy. Depending on the kind of interaction, you either feel energised or drained after it.

The reason why negative people tend to drain your energy is because they are operating from their ego.

The ego is all about, ‘I, me and myself.’ It always wants more. More possessions, more wealth, more pride, more control, more energy-¦

When you operate from the ego, you tend to draw energy towards yourself, and away from the other person.

Every time you try to ‘be right’, every time you try to prove yourself superior to another person or dominate them, you are fighting a battle for energy. This battle is the death-knell of many a relationship.

But when you experience a sense of oneness with the universe, lose your sense of self and ego and learn to operate from love, theres no more need for control dramas.

The Fourth and Fifth Insight in The Celestine Prophecy state that:

‘Humans have always felt insecure and disconnected from this sacred source, and have tried to take energy by dominating each other. This struggle is responsible for all human conflict.

The only solution is to cultivate a personal reconnection with the divine, a mystical transformation that fills us with unlimited energy and love, extends our perception of beauty, and lifts us into a Higher-Self Awareness.’

These insights are not new. For thousands of years, spiritual and energy healers from the disciplines of Reiki, Tai Chi, Qigong and Yoga, have understood and used them to draw energy directly from the divine source.

Meditation is the way recommended by spiritual and energy healers, but a positive attitude and healthy diet are also important.

When you realise that the energy in the universe is infinite and boundless, and learn how to tap into that divine energy and abundance, theres no need for you to draw your energy from another person.

This realisation will completely transform your relationships.

When you learn how to build your resources of energy directly from the universe, you can even give some to another person who needs it.

You know theres always more where that came from.

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Copyright © Priya Shah

Priya Shah blogs on self-improvement and spirituality. Get more relationship tips and advice and free self-improvement resources.

This article may be reprinted as long as the resource box is left intact and all links are hyperlinked.

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In a relationship, your ability to understand and respond to the other person’s needs and desires are fundamental. Understanding the nature of relationships themselves may be as important to your success in love as understanding the person with whom you’re having the relationship.

The key to a working relationship is twofold. First you need to work on a relationship day in and day out. Second you need the right information to pinpoint where the relationship needs work. Without this information you’re simply assuming and assumptions are the enemy to any healthy relationship.

From puppy love to winter romances, the following is true of all relationships

1. Relationships Don’t Just Happen

Relationships aren’t accidents that come out of nowhere; you create them and you have to make an effort to maintain them. Remember that the time you invest in others will always pay off.

2. Relationships are Need-based.

Everyone has their own personal needs and desires; your job is to figure out those needs since some may be unexpressed verbally. Not an easy task, therefore you have to focus on your partner. Ask how you can respond to a desire that she or he has.

3. Relationships Don’t Hold a Grudge

Despite the use of terms like “perfect match,” and “perfect couple,” the idea of a perfect relationship is perfectly ridiculous. We all make mistakes dealing with other people, so it’s important to be overlooked and/or forgive imperfections in others in order to build strong relationships.

4. Relationships That Endure Take Time

Relationships are formed with long-term goals in mind. This means that deep relationships will evolve slowly because the stakes — a life partner — are so great. In this instance, “haste makes waste” and divorce.or at least an ugly break-up.

5. Relationships are As Unique as the Folks That Are In ‘Em.

No two people are the same and so no two relationships are the same. Your relationships will deepen and strengthen, if you can accept the uniqueness of others as a precious gift.

6. Relationships Build You Up.

“My partner brings out the best in me,” is the way most people define the partner that they love. Relationships are built on encouragement, so always try to make your partner feel good, even if you’re urging them beyond their comfort zone to a new level of intimacy.

7. Relationships Are Essential.

It may be a dog eat dog world out there, but man is still a “pack animal,” looking for positive healthy relationships. Once you understand that nothing is more important than people, you’ll communicate that supportive message in everything you do.

8. Relationships Are For Two.

There is no such thing as a one-person relationship. For a relationship to thrive it requires cooperation from both parties, otherwise it’s unrequited love (at best) and stalking (at worst). You can’t have a relationship with someone who isn’t interested in having one with you.

9. Relationships are Greater Than the Sum of Their Parts.

In good relationships there is energy — your energy and your partners. This energy pushes each of you to strive to make the relationship work as individuals, and it also drives you to a shared excellence.

Armed with these rules you should be able to create and maintain a healthy relationship. Some caution on this topic. Just because you live and breathe these rules doesn’t mean that your relationship will be better or a broken relationship will be fixed. Every situation is unique and requires different approaches. Use these rules as a guide and as a guide only.

Unfortunately a small article can’t do justice on the wide spectrum of creating and maintaining a working relationship. You will get the complete picture and step by step explanations in Race Kale’s new book “The Power of Charisma”.

Copyright 2005 Peter Dobler

Peter Dobler is an active real estate investor and a successful home business entrepreneur. Learn how to create and maintain a better relationship with this new book. http://www.powerofcharismabook.com